My first step: I feel it is important for me to take care of myself physically and mentally. That means committing myself to eating better (I eat a lot of junk that I know my body would be better off without) and exercising at least three times a week. For me, that means going to the gym.

Let me be clear—I am not trying to build the perfect body. (I know there are limits to what I can accomplish at this point in my life.) Instead, I am just trying to keep my body from falling apart.
 
Eating well and exercise are things I am already doing. In case anyone is reading this and thinking, I need to do that... remember, you just have to start with one step. Just one step. Then you take another.
 
Someone told me once that if you just keep something going for two to three weeks, you can form a habit. That's how it was for me with going to the gym. I had to push through the discomfort and force myself to go for the first two weeks—mainly because I felt awkward and out of place. Pretty much the same way I felt in school. At any party I have ever gone to. Even at my own gallery openings.

Out of place. That's how I feel.
 
But I need to keep telling myself: one step at a time. Just one step.

 Now, when I go to the gym, I feel comfortable. Like I belong there as much as anyone else. And I realize now that I am obviously not the only one who has ever felt this way.
 
There's a guy I see every now and then when I go to the gym. He's in great shape. My gym has a sort of unspoken hierarchy where regulars form small groups and talk while working out. For whatever reason, I felt like I couldn't be part of that "club."
 
But the reality is—there really isn't a club. It's just my social awkwardness making me feel like I don't belong.
 
One day, I saw this guy wearing a Buffalo Bills shirt and started talking to him about football. (I'm a Chiefs fan.) As the conversation progressed, he told me that he used to weigh over 300 pounds and would come to the gym at 3 AM because he was embarrassed and didn’t want people to see him.
 
If you saw this guy now, you wouldn’t believe he was ever overweight or out of shape.

My point is—everyone starts somewhere. Even the fittest people were once beginners.
 
By taking the first step, I have embarked on the first part of my journey—discovering why I feel as if I am not enough and, more importantly, learning the steps I need to take to change my own attitudes and achieve the life I want.

 Finally, with regard to the exercise part of this blog and myself, let me stress a couple of things. Exercise can be as simple as walking three times a week. If you are going to a gym, there are plenty of apps that show how to use the weights and machines with proper form.  The app I use is IMuscle2.
 
In order to see any changes, you also have to change your diet. More on that in my second post. It's not quite as hard as it seems. And yes, I still eat some things that are less than healthy.
 
I realize you may be thinking, This is not telling me how you are accomplishing your goal to change your "I'm not enough" thinking and thus change your life. And you'd be right in thinking that.
 
But remember, this is my first step... including writing this blog. This is how I can grow and learn. By writing about this and posting it, I am taking more steps toward that goal.